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To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door -- their nose height. Dear Dogs and Cats, The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note: placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not stake a claim for it nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
continued..For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required. The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
continued..To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door: To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit And Like To Complain About Our Pets:1. They live here. You don't. 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. 3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. 4. To you, it's an animal. To me, they are adopted children who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
and continued..Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they: 1. Eat less2. Don't ask for money all the time 3. Are easier to train 4. Normally come when called 5. Never ask to drive the car 6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends 7. Don't smoke or drink 8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions 9. Don't want to wear your clothes 10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and... 11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children!
Kristen tried to post it above for you but somehow an error massage popped out and denied its task. She asked me to do it, instead, on new year day. I see now why she could not do it because this each section had a limit of words, no larger than 1000 words, so I broke it down to post...Thanks to her because now I know this section has a limited word strict, otherwise I would not know!!!I loved it!! That's exactly how dogs owners have to deal with dogs every single day!!
I think BLT could have written this!(By the way- I have a 19 year old for sale!)
Oh, then that must have done by them! They secretly worked on it behind your back and handed it out to Kristen..Because Nami-Hei was wondering who wrote these statements...And you know what?? I will buy him and train him really good!! Or maybe Viviche's mom would buy him first to take care of his hair!!
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